Ok here I go.
" You know, I was thinking" I said slowly " We try our best to be good Muslims, as in, we pray our five daily namaaz, we don't listen to music, we try not to backbite"
He sat there staring at me, waiting for me to continue "Uh-huh, go ahead" he said
I continued,"Basically, we refrain from many haraam things, yet here we are committing one of the major sins, Zina!"
He replied with silence.
I took a deep breath, "I think we should stop this" I said quickly , not meeting his eyes.
I looked over at him to find my words had drained every emotion out of him.
Say something! My heart screamed.
He finally let out a sigh, "Remember this one time when I said that you will one day be tired of all of this, tired of being with me?" he asked.
Without waiting for my reply he said,"This is that day"
I couldn't believe he just said that! My mouth at that moment was gaping, my eyes appalled.
"What?!" I snapped, " How can you even say that" I continued.
I put my hands over my head.
"I also remember how you said that you have your ways of getting out of things" he said, "And here you are using your religion to get out of it!" he said sternly.
I was furious at this point. He was accusing me of lying. Of all the people i thought he would understand!
I could feel my blood rushing and my face was probably bursting red, but i held my anger in the fist of my hand.
I cleared my throat,"No one has seen tomorrow, Allah forbid but one of us can die anytime, and then one of us is going to have to go through the deep pain and regret of being in a relationship with the other that's gone. The one left behind wont be able to stop thinking about the punishments the other person may be going through partly because of them"
His sat there like the every average guy sits, with his legs apart. Our eyes met, and locked for seconds that seemed like for ever. He looked down and slowly nodded, quickly stood up, and walked away. He left me all alone in the empty green field, with the clouds that cried along with me...
But that's just what I thought.
I didn't want to be at school, I even skipped two days because the pain of him ignoring me was unbearable.Catching up on the two days of work was such a pain, which made me miss him even more, because on days that I used to be sick he would get all my homework and send it with Atiyah. Sometimes he would also make videos teaching me some of the things missed, and oh how entertaining they were!
Our school was very small, everyone knew everything about everyone. Many were shocked, but didn't question. My friends were upset, especially Nazia. She kept telling me that there was nothing wrong between the relationship, she would say "You guys didnt even ever hug or kiss or friggin' hold hands! You two knew you were going to marry each other, so its not like you were playing around!"
But she didn't understand what I had understood.And I was tired of explaining. Atiyah was upset as well, but she was understanding.
English class was the worst, Umar and I were in the same group. He sat across from me.It's hard not to look at the person sitting across from you in a boring class like English, but he seemed to have mastered an amazing skill which enabled him from taking even one glance at me.
I tried to make a conversation once, "So, how are you?" I casually asked, as he sat down in his seat.
"Good" he replied, uninterested.
Instead of asking me how I am, he started talking to the girl sitting beside him. Telling her how tired he was from the hockey game last night and blah blah blah. He had never spoken to the girl before till that day, and she didn't even seem to understand what he was saying, since she didn't know anything regarding the hockey world!
And that made me furious, no, i was not jealous. I just hated how he was ignoring me for so long, carrying grudges for no reason and just being plain stubborn. I was so mad at that moment that I was close to kicking his leg under the table.
"You're coming to my place right?" Naz asked me
"Yeah" I replied, while putting on my fall jacket
"Now you have all the time for your besties eh?" she laughed as she gave me a quick tight hug.
"Yup" I laughed, " Hey, I'll meet you and Atiyah downstairs, 'cause I also need to go to the washroom" I said quickly.
"Oh, don't worry, I'll come with you" she said.
"No no no" I said forcefully, pushing her to leave.
"Okay, okay, chillax gal" she laughed
Phew! she's gone, I thought to myself.
I didn't want to tell her that I just saw Umar pass by, and that this was my only chance, since he wasn't with his 'crew' and the halls were empty.
I quickly opened my locker and took his neatly folded Nike hoodie out from the bag and shut my locker. I ran across the hall and looked to my left to find him at his locker alone. Yes!
He saw me walking towards him, but kept on with emptying his bag. My heart was racing and i felt the nervousness rush through my body. I stopped a few steps from him and softly said "Assalamualaikum"
"Walaikumussalaam" he replied while forcing a smile.
"Uhh...I had to give your hoody back, didnt get a chance before" I said awkwardly handing it to him.
"Oh right!" he said, as though he had forgotten
I pursed my lips,"Well, alright then, take care.Khudahafiz."I said quickly, and rushed to free myself from the awkwardness.
I went around the corner of the hall, stopped and leaned my back against the wall. I slowly peered around the wall to find him staring at the hoody, and lean in to smell it. He was to only find the smell of detergent, not my perfume. Whenever I would give him a gift, I would always spray the perfume I wore. At first he didn't like that, he would say " I don't wanna go around smelling like a girl." But I eventually taught him to love it, and surprisingly he did.
I stood there anxious, waiting for him to find the note. I wanted to see his reaction. And by Allahs grace I did. I saw his eyebrows furrow at the sight of a folded white piece of paper in one of the pockets of the hoodie. He opened and read the note. I saw a smile slowly form on his face, as he safely put the note away...
to be continued...